first draft: parenting

Mackenzie Huff
Persuasive Writing
Professor Varner
10/29/08

Parenting Affects on Children
Parenting affects is a subject that has been debated by philosophers since around the seventeenth century. It is important to understand parenting so we can better understand the reason for children behavior. Parents pass down to their children things such as values, goals, skills, and attitudes. John Locke, a noted philosopher suggests the idea of “tabula rasa”. This means that a child is born as a blank slate for which parents and society can influence the childs values and beliefs. Jacques Rousseau, another well known philosopher, has another theory. Her theory suggest that children are “innately good”. With both theories it is safe to say that parents involvement can either make or break their childrens mental health. The approach that a mother or father uses to parent their child as an adolescence directly affects a childs ability to be a psychologically healthy member of society.
Many cultures view family differently in regards to structure and values. We are socialized to have an idea of the way family should be in America. However, families arent neccessarily always like this. Some people think that if your family doesnt match the cliche American family, then there will be problems regarding the well-being of the children. This is not true. Family structure doesnt have a role in the success of a child. However, if the structure affects the amount of attachment or parenting behavior, then it could have affect on the well-being of the children.
A parents attachment style plays a large role in determining the comfort of a child in social relationships. Many studies have suggested that there are at least two types of attachment styles. One attachment style is avoidance. It is said that a child learns bonds through human contact. When a child doesn’t get contact such as hugs, kisses, being at the mothers breast, and even being in a parent’s bed, they are experiencing an avoidance attachment style. This has negative affects. Children in that fall into this category become less comfortable with intimate relationships. When they get older it is harder for them to get involved with someone romantically because they are afraid of being rejected. They don’t want to get close to someone because they are afraid of the consequences. They tend to conceal the desire for close relationships. This is in unhealthy for their future. This may carry onto the way they raise their kids as well.
The second type of attachment style is anxiety/ambivalence. This is when the parent expresses stress and are insecure with their relationship with their child. This also has negative affects on the child. When their parent is expressing anxiety/ambivalence, the child suffers. They often form a large void. This void is the desire for emotional intimacy. This is because they didn’t receive these things from their parent. They also gain fears for rejection and abandonment due to the lack of emotional support. Another affect that this type of attachment style has on a child is insecurity. They end up having problems being able to trust their own ability to form close relationships. These problems are very serious and can continue to grow in their lives unless they are able to get help.
Parenting behavior is an additional factor which is important to childs well being. It is correlated to attachment style but are not the same. Parent behavior is related to the frequency and quality of how a parent plays with their child. Also, the responsiveness that a parent displays to a childs needs is important. If a parent isnt responsive, then a child is hesitant of the parents devotion to them. Another factor that is important in parenting behavior is the quality of verbal interractions. This includes meaningful conversations about personal issues. This builds trust between the child and parent as well as the child and other people.
Some situations allow a family to fall into the “at-risk” category. This is when a family is more likely to pick up some negative tendencies due to predetermined factors. A type of family that are considered “at-risk” are those living in poverty. Poverty stricken families have a lack of money. This affects the amount of time a parent can spend with their child if the parent has to work long hours or pick up multiple jobs. Another affect of a poverty stricken family is the amount of energy a parent has for their child after having to spend the majority of their energy on work. Another type of “at-risk” is single parents as well as adolescent parents. Most single and adolescent families are poverty stricken so they also are exposed to their affects. Also, single and adolescent parents tend to have less social, emotional and tangible resources. These things are important to the success of a child’s development. When a family falls into the “at-risk” category, they should be careful to focus on giving their child the attention that they need.
It is ideal for a parent to be low on the spectrum of these attachment styles. This facilitates the health of child development. It allows children to be competent. Competence can be categorized. It includes competence in school achievement. Again, this can not be obtained without the support of a parent. They must be involved with their childs education and monitor it for a kid to be successful in school. Also, parent involvement reflects competence in forming ideal relationships. This includes close relationships with their family, friends, and romantic relationships. By having these healthy relationships, the child will learn their role in society.